When someone you love isn’t ready to grow

July 24th — Quietly grieving something I can't fix.

Sometimes the hardest part isn't healing your own patterns.
It's watching someone you love stay in theirs.

I have a friend, someone I care about deeply.
For years, I've watched her repeat the same painful dynamics in her relationships. The same hurt, the same heartbreak, dressed in slightly different clothes.
And for years, I have tried to say something. Gently. Lovingly. But nothing really changed.

And no, I'm not writing this from a place of being "more healed" or somehow "better".
I write it from a place of love. Because it hurts to watch someone you care about suffer, over and over again. 

I used to think I could help. That if I just said the right thing, or held enough space, or showed what was possible through my own growth... maybe she'd see it too.
But healing doesn't work like that.
We don't change just because someone else sees the pattern.
We change when we're ready. When we're safe enough. Or when staying stuck finally becomes heavier than the fear of facing the truth.

And I've had to learn, painfully, that I can't choose someone else's timing.
I can't rescue her from the work she's not ready to do. I can love her. I can hope for her.
But I also have to protect my own energy. My own peace.

Growth is not a shared calendar.
Sometimes we walk together.
Sometimes our paths drift apart for a while.
And that doesn't mean the love disappears, just that the rhythm of our healing is different.

If you're holding space for someone who isn't ready to grow, please remember this:
It's okay to wish things were different, to grieve the connection you long for.
And it's okay to keep honouring your own path, even if it means walking at a different pace.
That's not abandonment. That's loving without losing yourself.

We all arrive in our own time.
And unfortunately, some never do.
But that's not our call. 

Have you ever been in a situation like this?
Maybe someone you love just isn't ready to face their wounds, to meet you in the space of healing and growth. And maybe that breaks your heart, because you want to help… but you can't do the work for them. 

All we can do is to hold their hand.
To walk beside them.
But their healing will always be in their own hands.

If this post stirred something in you, you might also like these gentle companions:

💌 Love letter to the codependent heart
🌘 The shadow that abandons me to be liked

Thank you for being here, for reading, feeling, and walking alongside me. And if you'd like to walk this path with me more closely, you're warmly welcome to follow along on Instagram @selflavie.

You can now share your thoughts directly in the comment section below. I'd truly love to hear from you. 

Soft hugs,
Selflavie