The Quiet Gift of Saying It Out Loud

August 14th — This morning, with tea in hand and sunlight on the table, I kept thinking about yesterday's post.

Yesterday I wrote about The Quiet Power of Letting Yourself Feel.
Today I want to share the other side of that tenderness, what happens when someone else gives us the same permission out loud.

It takes me back to one simple sentence from a friend that once set me free:

"You're allowed to be disappointed."

It was such a simple sentence, but I still remember the way it felt in my body.
Like a knot I didn't know I'd been holding suddenly loosened.
Like my shoulders dropped a little.
Like my breath finally went all the way down to my belly.

Because here's the truth: I already knew I was allowed to feel it. Logically, I understood that my disappointment was valid. But hearing someone else say it out loud made all the difference.

For many of us, this "permission" to feel is something we didn't always receive growing up.
Maybe we were told to "stop crying" or to "be strong".
Maybe our feelings were minimized, brushed aside, or met with discomfort.
Over time, we learned to second-guess them, to wonder if they were too much, too dramatic, too inconvenient.

I know this in my own bones. I grew up believing I had to be as invisible and small as possible, always leaving space for others. That pattern taught me to downplay my own reactions and dismiss my own feelings.

That's why, for me, hearing a friend validate my disappointment, and later, receiving that steady validation in therapy, has been deeply healing. It's a kind of re-learning: that my feelings are not only allowed, but that they deserve space, too.

And that's really the quiet power of validation: when someone acknowledges our feelings without rushing to fix them, our nervous system recognizes safety.
I am seen. I am heard. I am allowed to be exactly where I am.

Unfortunately, our culture often teaches the opposite. Be productive. Keep smiling. Move on quickly. We live in a world that celebrates efficiency and composure, not pauses and tears.
No wonder so many of us doubt our own emotions or feel guilty for having them.

That's why these small moments of validation matter so much. They are tiny acts of resistance against the pressure to hide, minimize, or rush past what's real. They remind us that being human isn't about holding it together all the time. It's about allowing ourselves to feel, even when it's messy, inconvenient, or uncomfortable.

And that's something we can offer each other, too. When someone shares their pain with you, resist the urge to fix it or make it prettier.

It might feel like the most obvious, smallest thing to say, but for the person in front of you, heart wide open, it can mean everything.

Sometimes, that's all it takes to turn a heavy moment into one that heals.

Have you ever had someone validate your feelings in a way that shifted everything?
If you feel like sharing, the comments here are always a safe place for your story.

And if you'd rather connect on Instagram, you'll find me there too, sharing soft reflections and gentle reminders in real time @selflavie.🩷

Most of all, if you needed someone to say it today: you are allowed to feel.
All of it. Every messy, human bit of it.

Soft hugs,
Selflavie