Projection — When They Don’t See You, They See Their Story

January 6th — Tonight, as the house settles into silence, I'm finally willing to admit how heavy those borrowed stories have felt. Maybe this is the beginning of giving them back.

When Someone Meets Their Story, Not Your Soul 

There are moments in life when you realize that someone isn't actually reacting to you.
They're reacting to their idea of you — a story that began long before you walked into the room.

For years, I didn't understand this.
Why did some people idealize me instantly?
Why did others judge me without ever speaking to me?
Why did certain individuals create a narrative about me that felt like a stranger wearing my face?

Carl Jung had a name for this phenomenon: projection — the unconscious act of placing our own fears, desires, wounds, and unmet needs onto someone else. And once I learned this, something in me finally unclenched. Because suddenly it all made sense.

What Jung Meant by Projection (In the Gentlest Terms)

According to Jung, the parts of ourselves we don't want to face — or don't yet know how to face — don't disappear. They simply look for a surface to land on. And often, that surface is another human being.

A stranger.
A partner.
A friend.
Or someone we've only observed from a distance.

We don't see who they really are. We see a mirror that reflects us back to ourselves.

Sometimes lovingly. Sometimes painfully. But always unconsciously.

How Projection Shows Up in Real Life

You've felt this. You've lived this.

• When someone admires you instantly, without knowing you — they're meeting a fantasy, not your reality.

• When someone dislikes you before you've spoken — they're meeting their shadow, not your truth.

• When someone feels threatened by you — they're meeting their insecurity, not your intentions.

• When someone romanticizes, demonizes, or misreads you — they're meeting their story, not your soul.

And for the longest time, I thought these reactions meant something about me.
Now I know: they said nothing about who I was — and everything about who they were in that moment.

The Quiet Hurt of Being Misread

Let's be honest: even with all the psychology, it still stings.

It hurts when someone doesn't see your softness.
It hurts when they assume things about your character.
It hurts when they place you in a role you never auditioned for.

But the hurt becomes easier to carry when you realize: You were not the one they were looking at. You were simply the screen onto which their story was projected.

A familiar face for their unresolved fears.
A safe canvas for their longing.
A placeholder for their unmet needs.

It feels personal, but it is not.

How to Step Out of Someone's Projection

This is where the healing begins — not by fixing the story someone created, but by returning to your own truth.

1. Slow your breath.
Your body knows when something isn't yours.

2. Ask: "Is this mine?"
Often, the answer is no.

3. Hand the story back — silently.
You don't need a confrontation. Just clarity.

4. Stay rooted in your self-awareness.
Your truth doesn't need defending to remain true.

5. Walk away from stories that shrink you.
You are not required to participate in someone else's mythology.

Freedom begins the moment you refuse to carry what was never meant for you.

What Projection Reveals About You

Here is the hidden softness in all of this:

If people project onto you, it often means you carry something evocative —
something that awakens, stirs, inspires, or challenges others on an unconscious level.

Your presence touches a deeper layer of their psyche. And that is not a burden. It is a sign of depth. But it also means you must be gentle with yourself, because being misread repeatedly can make you doubt your own clarity.

Let this be your reminder:

When they don't see you, it doesn't mean you are invisible.
It means they haven't met themselves yet.

A Jung-Inspired Closing Thought

Jung believed that the beginning of true freedom is recognizing the difference between
what belongs to you and what was projected onto you.

And maybe that's our quiet task in this lifetime:

To return every story that isn't ours.
To hold only what is true.
And to keep walking into our life with open eyes, unburdened by the shadows of others.

A gentle reflection for you

Before you go, take a slow breath. Let your shoulders soften.
Let the noise of the day fall just a little further away.

Sometimes the most powerful shifts begin with a quiet moment of honesty, the kind you offer only to yourself, without pressure, without performance, without anyone watching.

When you think of the stories others have placed on you, notice what rises in your chest, not in your mind. Notice the truth that's been waiting underneath.

What is one story someone placed on you that never felt like the truth — and how would your life change if you stopped carrying it?

For more soft reflections, deep psychology, and slow healing, follow me on Instagram @selflavie. 💌

Soft hugs,
Selflavie