Love letter to the codependent heart

July 9th – For the hearts that forgot they are whole.

Some hearts don't break loudly. They just quietly reshape themselves around someone else. If you've ever stayed too long, waited too hard, or lost sight of your own reflection in the mirror of a relationship, this letter is for you.

If you're reading this with a tightness in your chest, wondering whether you'll ever feel safe alone, I want you to know: you're not broken. You're human. And being human means sometimes you're afraid to be with yourself.

You may have built your life around someone else's needs. You may have quieted your own voice just to feel close. You may have waited years for someone to choose you, while secretly hoping you wouldn't have to choose yourself.

But that doesn't make you weak. That makes you someone who learned, early on, most likely in childhood, that only connection was safety, and disconnection, unbearable. It's not your fault that you learned to survive that way. But, your healing, your freedom, that is your responsibility now.

It is deeply, achingly human to fear abandonment. To panic when something ends. To cling when you're not ready to be alone. And if you're in that place now, stunned by the possibility of being left, please know: you're not the only one. And you're not wrong for feeling this way.

But I want to tell you something gently: You are allowed to leave relationships where you don't feel seen. You are allowed to start again, even if your voice shakes. You are allowed to be your own anchor. And no, it doesn't mean the fear will disappear overnight. But with time, and compassion, you will learn that loneliness is not the enemy. Avoiding yourself is.

One day, you'll look back at the moment you finally chose you and you will be proud. Proud of the day you stood in the fire and didn't run. Proud of the way you walked away from people and situations where you were shrinking. Proud of the first quiet evening you spent alone without texting someone to fill the silence.

Because that's what healing looks like: not perfection, not total confidence, but small, brave decisions made in the dark.

So here's to your courage. To your longing for more. To the softness that still lives under the fear. May you one day live a life that is yours, not built on someone else's needs, but grounded in your own truth. And when that day comes, I hope you say to yourself: "I am so glad I didn't settle for less than love."

You are not alone. You are not too much. And you are not impossible to love.

If these words stirred something in you and you'd like to understand more, I gently recommend book called Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. It's a compassionate guide for finding your way back to yourself.

You have the power to unlearn these old patterns. You have the right to live a life that feels like your own; peaceful, free, and full of meaning.
Know that I'm rooting for you. And I am already so proud of the courage it takes just to begin.

Soft hugs,
Selflavie