Forgiving in silence — Without apologies, closure or reconciliation

August 8th — Forgiveness doesn't always come in a conversation. Sometimes it comes in silence.

We're taught to believe that forgiveness is something that happens after an apology.
After a conversation. After things are made right. But what if that moment never comes?

What if they never say sorry?
What if they don't even see what they did?
What if the relationship can't be repaired or shouldn't be?

Does that mean you can't forgive?

I used to think so. I thought I needed closure. That I needed to be understood.
That forgiveness was something we do together. But the more I've healed, the more I've learned: Forgiveness is something I can do alone. Even in silence. Even if the other person never knows.

Because forgiveness is not about them. It's about releasing yourself from the grip of what happened. It doesn't mean pretending it didn't hurt. It doesn't mean letting them back in. It doesn't mean everything is okay now.

I've had to forgive without an apology more times than I can count. Family members. Friends. Partners.

And I've noticed something — not to generalize, but the less codependent I've become, the less I've needed an apology or a dramatic final scene to let go.

I know my worth now. And if someone treats me as if I don't matter, I no longer wait to be proven otherwise. I walk away. I tend to my wounds in the quiet safety of my own presence.

I don't need the last word. I don't need to be heard, understood, or vindicated. What I need is peace. And I choose it, even if it means forgiving in silence.

Forgiveness without reconciliation is still valid. Forgiveness without apology is still powerful. Forgiveness without closure is still possible.

And no, it doesn't make you weak. It only means you're choosing peace over poison.
Not for them. For you.

Maybe you won't get the final word.
Maybe the apology never comes.
Maybe you leave the door closed forever.

But if you can softly say to yourself: "I'm not carrying this anymore."
That's enough. That's freedom. That's forgiveness.

Have you ever had to forgive in silence? Did the apology never come?
Let's talk in the comments or come sit with me on Instagram @selflavie. There's always room for soft hearts and real stories.🩷

Soft hugs,
Selflavie